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Summer 2010: Father’s Day

My father lost his father when he was only four years old. His mother’s dad, a widower, moved in with the family. He was a kind and loving grandfather and a wonderful role model for his grandchildren. He died on dad’s 21^st birthday which nearly broke his heart. My dad thinks his grandfather willed himself to live until his youngest grandchild had reached adulthood and remains grateful for his love and care.

Dad came to the U.S. in 1957, at age 23. He and my mother settled in NYC. He had to attend classes at night to learn a new language, navigate one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world, find a job, learn how to be a good husband to his bride, all while dealing with a severe case of homesickness having left his mother, siblings, and friends in Germany.

Looking back, his level of perseverance is astonishing. At fourteen, he lost his right arm from the elbow down in an accident. He re-tooled becoming proficient with his non-dominant hand. He went away to a trade school to learn bookbinding and became the head sample-maker for a bookbinding company that had the Franklin Mint among its clients. This was precision work using fine fabrics, leather, and gold leaf. If the sample wasn’t of the highest quality craftsmanship, the client would be unlikely to place an order. My father, single-handedly, (pun intended), helped grow that company into a huge success. Always humble, my father remained grateful to his employers for giving a one-armed bookbinder who couldn’t speak English properly a chance.

My dad has always been a kind, loving father and a strong moral and ethical presence in my life. I have memories of him taking me to the park, putting blocks on the pedals of my tricycle when my legs were too short for my feet to reach, teaching me to ski, taking long Sunday bike rides. I remember him helping me cross the street on my tricycle, holding on to me when I rode the carousel, carrying me when I was tired, putting me on his shoulders when I couldn’t see, helping me pick out my first new car, helping with the renovations to my first home. I could always count on him and he made me feel safe.

Two things have left the greatest and most lasting impression on me. One is the deep and abiding love and respect he has for my mother. It was always clear to me that mom’s happiness and comfort was his top priority. He was very patient with my sister and me in all circumstances unless whatever we did or said upset our mother. Then he became her champion and most ardent defender and put an end to whatever was upsetting her by reprimanding us in a certain tone of voice that instantly got our attention. They’ve been married for 54 years now, and my father still shows my mother the kind consideration, love, and respect he always has. I never remember him ever saying a harsh word to her. Ever. It’s remarkable.

The second is his capacity for forgiveness. When I made mistakes, even really big ones, he never made me feel worthless or stupid. He never yelled or lectured. In fact, in those dark moments, he said kind, encouraging words. His forgiveness was instant and complete. He knew I was already in pain and trusted that I would learn from the mistakes.

Today, Dad is the happiest retired person I know. Mom loves to cook and bake and he loves to eat. It’s a match made in heaven. They live on eastern Long Island in a home they had built for their retirement after many, many years of hard work and sacrifice. It’s near the beach and they enjoy taking long walks there.

I got really lucky having this man as my father. Tomorrow the family will gather at my home. I plan to make a delicious dinner and a special dessert, Banana’s Foster, to honor my dad and my husband and what they mean to our family.

I once read an interview with a prison chaplain who had been doing that work for over 30 years. He said he had never once met a prisoner who’d had a good relationship with his father.

Here’s to all the men who made the commitment and the sacrifice to be good fathers to their children. Their influence is profound and far-reaching. I hope each and every one of you will consciously support the men who strive to be good fathers. In my view, it is the single most important and responsible thing any man can do for the world.

Fathers of children of all ages can find support at www.fathers.com.

For more information about Rita Maniscalco Life and Career Coaching, please visit www.somethingwithin.us. If you would prefer not to receive the Something Within E-Newsletter, please email rita@somethingwithin.us and put unsubscribe in the subject. Copyright 2010 Rita Maniscalco

Spring 2010

March is Women’s History Month. Some say it should be called herstory. Everyone has stories. As part of my life and career coaching practice, I lead writing workshops. This month, I began a series called The Stories of Your Life. Sitting in a class listening to other people’s stories gives us perspective about our own lives. If one person writes about an experience in her life and reflects on it in such a way that it touches another’s experience, then a connection is made and something happens on a deep level to both writer and reader.

I’d like to share one of my stories. It developed from my looking at an old photo and reflecting on what I know of the story now that I didn’t know at the time…

It was the moment I had been waiting for. After a long flight from New York to Frankfurt, Germany, and an even longer train ride through Austria and into Yugoslavia, I was about to meet my German grandfather, whom I would call Opa, for the first time. It was the summer of 1964. I was four years old.

My mom and I wore matching dresses she made for us. They were sleeveless, white with black polka dots, and each had a black velvet bow at the collar with long streamers hanging down. I thought they were the prettiest dresses I had ever seen. I was sure Opa would think so, too.

When the train stopped at the station in Verbas, I couldn’t get off the train fast enough, but Dad said I had to wait. He said since Mom hadn’t seen Opa in quite a while, she should go out and greet him first. What I didn’t know was that my mother hadn’t seen her father since she was eight years old.

My ancestors on my mother’s side were ethnic Germans who hadn’t lived in Germany for over two hundred years. Arch-duchess Maria Theresa, of Austria-Hungary, who began her reign in 1740, offered land, in what would after World War I become Yugoslavia, to whoever would come and work it. Italians, Germans, Spaniards, Romanians, and others, welcomed the opportunity to own a small farm and raise a family. The people who came built schools and their children were taught lessons in their native languages.

My grandfather was born and raised in this area in the early 1900’s. In 1931, he married the love of his life, Kristina Breitwieser. They had two daughters, Erika (b. 1933), and Kristina (b.1934). Tragically, in 1939 when the girls were just six and five years old, his wife contracted cerebral meningitis and died. Daniel and the girls went to live with his mother, but caring for the two young girls proved to be too much for the old woman. She encouraged him to remarry as quickly as possible.

In 1940, Daniel was invited to the wedding of his co-worker, Elisabeth. At the wedding he met one of the groom sister’s, Mathilde. They began a courtship and were married in 1941.

In 1943, when the German army suffered serious losses, Hitler commanded ethnic Germans, who had been living in other nations for generations, to serve the German army. Daniel was one of them. Within two years of their wedding day, Daniel had to leave Mathilde alone with the girls who were then eight and nine.

Hitler’s army made three attempts on the life of Tito, the leader of the Yugoslav Partisans, a communist-led resistance movement engaged in the fight against Axis forces. As a result, all ethnic Germans who remained in Yugoslavia were in peril. Hitler sent soldiers into Yugoslavia to help get the civilians out. Mathilde’s father encouraged her to take her step-daughters, as well as her two younger sisters, and flee the country. Mathilde had to pack up whatever she and the girls could carry. They boarded a freight train with hundreds of others. After months of difficult, dangerous travel, they would arrive on German soil. Mathilde’s father, however, refused to leave his home. Along with many others, he was forced to dig a mass grave, shot and killed. Others were imprisoned or placed in concentration camps.

In the meantime, Daniel was captured as a prisoner of war by the English and taken to a prison camp in England. When the war ended, he was released. Not knowing that his family had been forced to leave, nor that it was dangerous to be a German in Yugoslavia, Daniel returned home.
Upon his arrival, he was quickly captured by the Partisans and thrown into yet another prison. A female prison guard took pity on Daniel and, risking her own safety, treated Daniel very well. Her name was Maria. Daniel and Maria fell in love. When Daniel was released, instead of searching for his family, Daniel remained in Yugoslavia and began a new life with Maria.

In Germany, Mathilde anxiously awaited any word regarding Daniel’s whereabouts. It is unclear exactly when, but at some point after Daniel re-settled in Yugoslavia with Maria, he had contact with one of his cousins. It is through this cousin that Mathilde eventually found out that Daniel was alive and well and had started a new family. Daniel had been the love of Mathilde’s life. Mathilde and her step-daughters were devastated.

Mathilde raised Daniel’s girls in Germany. The post war years in Germany were very difficult. Not only were there shortages of food and housing, but many native Germans resented sharing what little they had left with war refugees. When Kristina married in 1956, she and her husband, Valentin, went back to their mothers’ apartments, as there was no housing available for the young couple. In 1957, Kristina, Valentin, and Mathilde, immigrated to the United States. Her sister, Erika, and Erika’s husband, Alfred, would soon follow. They all made their new home in Ridgewood, New York.

It had long been Kristina’s dream to see her father again. In 1964, her husband would help her make that dream come true.

Mom got off the train first. Dad could look out the window and watch, but I was too small. After what seemed like forever, Dad said we could get off the train.

Dad carried me down the steep steps of the train. He gently put me down on the platform. I saw Mom on her tip-toes smiling and waving for us to come. Beside her stood the tallest, most handsome man I had ever seen. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a narrow black tie. He was deeply tanned. He had a thick shock of white hair that came to a point high on his forehead. I loved him instantly. I ran to him shouting, “Opa!” He crouched down low to receive my big hug and kiss. He asked Mom to put me on his shoulders. I felt like I was on top of the world.

What I didn’t know was, when he and Mommy were alone, all he would do was cry.

History, herstory. What’s your story? I’d love to hear it. Please send to rita@somethingwithin.us.

My fondest wish is for your happiness and success.

Winter 2010
An Olympic Lesson

It was a sweltering, early September Saturday. I was going to Cantiague Park, for the sixth year in a row, with all the necessary paperwork to register my son for pee-wee ice-hockey. Just knowing I had to go put me in a cranky mood. It was always early in the morning on the hottest, most humid of late summer days. The line seemed to go on for miles and, no matter how early I arrived, I never got less than a three digit number in line. Who were these people who got two digit numbers? They were probably the same people who get front row seats for sold-out concerts, I thought crabbily.

When I arrived that particular morning, the parking lot was more crowded than ever. I had to park so far away, I couldn’t even see the building that housed the ice rink. I pulled into an open spot, sighed, gathered the paperwork, and opened the car door. The heat hit me like a slap.

I began walking toward the building, the following dialogue going on in my head: “Why can’t Jason do this himself? Oh, that’s right – he’s twelve…Well, then why can’t Dan do it? Oh, that’s right – he got up early to continue sheet rocking. Well, then why can’t Nassau County just get with the program and have on-line registration, or registration by mail? Then I wouldn’t have to go through this every year.” I wiped my forehead with the back of my wrist and marched on scowling.

In the distance I saw a big sign. I couldn’t quite make out the letters and there was some kind of logo. I continued walking, squinting to see. I heard a lot of noise, people talking, laughing, cheering. What was everyone so happy about?

As I got closer, I saw a crowd gathered on a field just outside the building. No one looked familiar. I squinted at the sign again: Special Olympics. The realization was instant and it took my breath away. The voice inside my head said, “How dare you? How dare you complain about the heat, or the long lines, or the paperwork, or anything else when you are coming here to register your healthy son for ice-hockey?” I felt light-headed, and fought to keep from falling to my knees. Tears welled up in my eyes. I hung my head in shame.

Instead of heading toward the building, I walked toward the fence around the field. I saw the athletes, broad smiles on all their faces as they waited in line for their bib numbers. Broader still were the smiles on the faces of their parents. I silently thanked them all for their courage and enthusiasm, and for what they taught me that day.

I turned and headed toward the building. I could see the line extending well into the parking lot. I went to the registration table to get my number: 198. A slight smile came to my face. Looking straight ahead, I walked to the back of the line.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

Please feel free to forward this Newsletter. To learn how working with a coach can best serve you, please visit www.somethingwithin.us, or call 516-796-0227 to arrange for a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. If you would prefernot to receive the Something Within e-Newsletter, please reply and put unsubscribe as the subject. Copyright 2009 Rita Maniscalco.

The First Fifty Years: Top Ten Lessons

As I celebrate this milestone, I am grateful for every soul who has made a positive impact on my life - large or small. Some I know intimately, some, I barely know, some, I’ve never met, but have been influenced by their work or by their quiet example.

10 – Worry is a complete and utter waste of time and energy. Period.

9- Never underestimate the importance of fun. It’s one of the things that makes life worth living. We must make time for play.

8 – Borrowing the words of Anatole France: Until one has loved an animal, part of one’s soul remains unawakened. Thank you, Kato.

7 – The human spirit is truly heroic. There are heroes all around us. Each of us is capable of far more than we think we are.

6 – Taking care of one’s body is essential to improving quality of life. Regular exercise and a healthy diet are the keys. There are no shortcuts.

5 – The peace most of us seek comes from spirit. Some quiet time each day is necessary to stay connected. One’s spiritual well-being will impact every other aspect of one’s life.

4 – The most powerful thing on this planet is the human mind. Our minds define our experience. We are always at choice. We are always the co-creators of our experience.

3 – Before making a decision or offering a response, the key question is, “What do I want to create?”

2 – When our desire and the desire the Universe has for us are the same, true happiness results.

1 – Borrowing words from Jewel: In the end, only kindness matters.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

July 2009 Walking Woman

She walks twice a day, swiftly, in all types of weather. I’m guessing she’s about 70 years old, five foot two, one hundred five pounds, and she probably covers at least 2½ miles in 30 minutes. If you greet her, she will say hello politely, but very briefly. She clearly doesn’t want to be slowed down. I do not know her name, nor exactly why she walks, but her determination, consistency, and purposefulness have inspired me. Watching from my window as she walks by has, at times, reminded me to keep my head up, to look straight ahead, and to keep moving forward in spite of less-than-perfect conditions.

Of course, she doesn’t know she has inspired me. It makes me think of some of the others who inspire without knowing it (listed here in no particular order):

People who show up cheerfully for work every day;

People who create and sustain happy marriages;
People who return their carts to the cart corral, and people who use re-usable bags;
Courteous drivers;
People who get up weary after the worst night of their lives to care for their children;
People who listen with kind attention when their elderly neighbor speaks;
Parents and teachers who care for children with challenges;
People who give more than they can afford to give;

People who volunteer for hospice;
People who keep their promises.

If you’ve done any of these things, trust me, it has inspired someone.

I often speak to people who want to impact the lives of others in a big way. They want to start a foundation, earn millions to donate to worthy causes, buy their moms houses, certainly, all worthy endeavors. But what about the small things each of us can do daily that may impact lives in ways we’ll never know?

In this world of uncertainly and confusion, it’s good to know there are many good, kind, patient, caring, considerate, strong, determined people. And, somehow, it comforts me to know that, no matter what else is going on, the Walking Woman walks.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

May 2009

Are We Having Fun Yet? Eight Ways to Have Fun This Summer & Why It’s So Important

Whenever the first really warm sunny days of Spring finally arrive, it always brings me back to my childhood. Growing up in Queens, Spring meant back to the handball court! I still remember the smell of the brand new Pennsy Pinky. At the beginning of each season, the ball would sting my hand upon impact, but soon a callous would form that would last the summer. In minutes we’d be running like rabbits all over the court as though our lives depended on making that shot. Body and mind fully engaged, heart pumping like crazy. Really FUN!

At one point in my adult life, I discovered I’d forgotten about fun. Everything had become about what others needed from me. I didn’t even know what would be fun anymore. Worse, I realized that I probably wasn’t a whole lot of fun to be with either. How could I be if I’d forgotten about fun? The realization hit me like a slap in the face. I slowly worked my way back, and now fun is actually built into my schedule.

I ask my clients, “What do you do for fun?” Many haven’t even thought about fun in years. They’re certain their kids have fun, and even have that kind of fun with them. But I’m talking about their own personal version of fun? What do they really enjoy doing? And how often do they do it? Most often the response is something like, “Fun? I have no idea. And who has time for fun anyway?”

Fun is very important. It reminds us that life is worth living, that there’s more to life than just task completion and goal achievement. A good dose of fun on a regular basis releases stress and staves off depression. It inspires creativity and a sense of purpose. Fun brings us back to who we really are.

If it’s been a while since you’ve had some fun, give one of these a try:

· Learn how to do something you’ve always wanted to like play golf, play tennis, ride a horse, or take dancing lessons.

· Invite someone who’s fun to be with to go to the water park. There’s nothing like a waterslide to bring out the kid in you.

· Get all your neighbors together, not just the athletic ones, male and female, young and old, and play a game of wiffle ball in the street.

· Get on a swing and make it go as high as you can.

· Get some paper and paint and do some potato printing. Then use the paper as gift wrap.

· Ride a painted pony on a carousel.

· Go to a roller rink.

· Sing a song you love out loud and strong. Better yet, sing with others who love to sing, too.

I’d love to hear from you. What do you do for fun? For now, go HAVE SOME FUN!!!

Ph 516.796.0227

www.somethingwithin.us

April 2009

What do you want to create?

Recently, someone did something which really upset me. I knew she didn’t do it purposely, yet I felt she should have known better. I wanted to think it through, so I gave myself a day or two to decide what the best course of action should be. After giving it a great deal of thought, I still couldn’t see the best next step.

I phoned a coaching colleague of mine, Paul McGinniss, whom I have the utmost respect for and told him the story. He listened patiently and asked some questions to get the details clear in his mind. Exasperated I asked, “So what should I do?” His answer: “That depends. What do you want to create?”

What an extraordinarily powerful question! What do you want to create? My response to the situation should be directly related to the kind of relationship I want to have with this person going forward.

Sometimes what seems like the best response in the moment, is not the best response long term. I’m sure President Obama and the Navy Seals, who recently rescued Captain Richard Phillips being held by pirates, knew exactly what they were trying to create.

When Paul asked me, “What do you want to create,” I was able to set aside all the anger and confusion. I was able to see clearly for the first time in days. It made perfect sense to me to base my response on what type of relationship I wanted to create going forward.

Because I don’t know the woman who upset me very well, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to create, if anything, in terms of a relationship. But I was very clear on what I didn’t want to create. Saying something could damage any future relationship. It really wasn’t that important. She definitely didn’t intend to slight me. She was doing the best she could do. I no longer felt the need to discuss it. I trust the universe will lead her in the way that is best for her. I don’t need to fix anything.

I was able to let it go. I mean really let it go. What a liberation that was!

Maybe this episode was meant to teach me this powerful question: “What do you want to create?” which I can now use with my clients, my children, my husband, and others to help them gain clarity and peace. I hope you’ll find it useful in your journey, too.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

March 2009

Don’t Die With Your Music Still in You

I believe this quote appeared in the autobiography of a famous musician (maybe Sting?) talking about how he felt when he was struggling: “I didn’t want to die with the music still in me.” That quote has had a profound effect on me. When I read it, I realized I didn’t want to die with the music still in me either.

We all have talents. Not necessarily the American Idol kind. Each of us is really good at something: cooking, repairing, listening, caring, supporting, motivating, teaching, designing, cleaning, driving, sewing, painting, carpentry, childcare, conflict resolution, team building, leading, mentoring. The world needs these skills.

What do you wish you had more time for? What do you love to do so much, you’d do it for free? That’s your music!

I recently read about a woman who lived for the time she could spend traveling in Italy. She worked at a job she hated just biding her time until her next trip. She used to think to herself: “I wish I could just tour Italy full time.” Then it occurred to her to create a company where she would lead tours in Italy – and get paid for it. Now she shares her passion with other enthusiastic tourists every day!

Take some time to identify what your unique gifts are and define what it is you’re passionate about. Then find a way to make a career out of it. Millions of people have. That’s how I became a coach. I wanted to share everything I had learned about creating an abundant, fulfilling, and charitable life. I was profoundly happy and developed a passion for supporting others to live their best lives, too. I wanted to share my insights and all the tools I’d learned about with others so that they could make their music, too! I identified my primary gifts to be communication and compassion. I’ve also been given the ability to motivate and inspire others. I felt compelled to use those gifts, even if it meant struggling for a while. Now I make my music every day – and I’m loving it!

What’s your music? A coach can help you identify your unique gifts and show you how to lean into that giftedness to create a life you love. Now might be the perfect time. Don’t die with your music still in you.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

Ph 516.796.0227

www.somethingwithin.us

January 2009

The beginning of a new year is always about possibilities. What better example of creating the best outcome, of all the possible outcomes, than when pilot C.B. “Sully” Sullenberger recently landed a plane, carrying 155 souls, in the Hudson River saving the lives of everyone aboard! This could only have happened because, in the moment, Capt. Sullenberger believed it was possible.

Many people today feel overwhelmed by the daily demands on their time and energy, and the many challenges they face such as financial challenges, relationship challenges, workplace challenges, care-giving challenges. Here’s the problem: If we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed, we lose sight of what’s possible. Had Capt. Sullenberger allowed the situation to overwhelm him, the outcome may have been very different.

One of the best books I have ever read was Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. In it, he makes a staggering statement. According to Tolle, the great majority of people live each present moment either upset about something that happened in the past, or worried about something that may happen in the future. I was blown away by that statement mostly because I recognized it to be true. In reality, all we have is now.

Since reading that book, I have practiced living in the moment. By that I mean, when the voice inside my head begins to chatter out of control about all the things I need to get done, or the challenges I need to face, or how hurtful some past remark or incident was, I immediately quiet that voice. Taking Tolle’s advice, I create an awareness that I am not the voice, I am, in essence, the one listening to the voice. Therefore, I have the power to quiet the voice. I then stop overwhelm in its tracks by asking myself this question: What does this moment require of you? That’s what Capt. Sullenberger did. He did exactly what the moment required of him. No more, no less. In so doing, he saved 155 lives – including his own.

A life coach can help you learn to consistently manage overwhelm. This will give you the clarity you need in the present moment, and leave you free to explore the possibilities…

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

Please feel free to forward this Newsletter. To learn how working with a coach can best serve you, please visit www.somethingwithin.us, or call 516-796-0227 to arrange for a Complimentary Coaching Consultation. If you would prefernot to receive the Something Within E-Newsletter, please reply and put unsubscribe as the subject. Copyright Rita Maniscalco 2009.

December 2008

The New Year’s Resolution Solution: Don’t Make One. Instead, Measure your GPH.

The tiny country of Bhutan is located in south Asia in the Himalayan Mountains bordered by Tibet to the north and sharing its south, east, and west borders with India. Bhutan’s government has a very interesting way of measuring its success. It calculates GNH: Gross National Happiness. Conceived by a former king of Bhutan in 1972, the nation measures GNH by using seven indicators of the wellness of its citizens: mental, physical, social, economic, workplace, political, and environmental wellness.

While reading about Bhutan, I was inspired to create a way for my clients to measure their Gross Personal Happiness (GPH). Take a look at the things that comprise your personal happiness/fulfillment: mental, physical, and spiritual health, job satisfaction, relationships, finances, leisure (i.e. fun! I’m always amazed at how many people fail to consider fun when assessing their total well-being). Rate each one on a scale from 1–10, ten being the highest. Calculate the average: this is your GPH.

It is likely that you will discover many areas of your life are going well. It’s very important to stop for a moment to absorb and be grateful for those successes. Then, take a quiet moment and ask yourself: If I could change just one thing about my life, what would it be, and what difference would that make?

Next, ask yourself: why haven’t I made that change already?

You’ve probably made many New Year’s Resolutions over the years, so, by now, you recognize this for the guilt- and angst-producing exercise it is. This year, why not calculate your Gross Personal Happiness instead. Celebrate the parts of your life which bring you joy and fulfillment. Then, get the support you need to identify and remove the obstacles that have kept you from making the one major, positive life-change that will make all the difference. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

November 2008

Based on what I’ve observed over the past few months, I can confidently make this statement: All the recent fear-based turmoil has been a really good thing for many Americans. Huh??? How so? Because it inspired many people to re-evaluate what’s truly important. They asked themselves, “What am I really losing? Debt? Greed? A false sense of wealth supported by credit card debt and a huge mortgage? Do I really need a $60,000 vehicle? Do I really need 12 pairs of black shoes?”

As people processed their losses, many initially couldn’t identify what they needed in the moment. What many discovered was that they needed to hug their kids, make love to their spouses, share a homemade meal with friends, give to those who had less. The emptiness was being filled with relationship instead of stuff.

For the first time in a long time, people are slowing down and taking a careful look at their lives. Many find they are grateful for what they have, not longing for something greater, bigger, more. If ever there was a time when less is more, it’s now. The once pervasive attitude about accumulating the most toys is suddenly about as popular as big gas guzzlers, shopping without reusable bags, and wearing real fur.

Couples are coming together and re-evaluating their relationships. They suddenly treasure one another as never before. Amid all the uncertainty and confusion, they still have each other; someone who will say, “It’s all good. We’ll get through this together.” There’s a sense of safety, camaraderie, and teamwork that wasn’t there before.

At the height of the country’s financial meltdown, a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer. Do you think we, who love her, gave a flying leap about what the Dow was doing? There’s nothing like cancer to instantly put things in perspective.

For many, losing a job, a home, or a sizable portion of savings is devastating - at first. After the initial shock, however, many people develop a new worldview which is superior in every way. They let go of fear, hold onto love, and live with intention.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

Please feel free to forward this Newsletter.

www.somethingwithin.us

Fall 2008

What do you want to be when you grow up (now that you’re grown up)?

It’s time for shiny new marble notebooks, (before the whites get colored in), boxes of 64 brilliantly colored crayons, (with a sharpener, of course), new pencils (that actually have erasers), and lots of colored folders (with pockets). Can you remember being asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Many adults find they’ve been walking around in a semi-conscious state, a state which may have been necessary in order to fulfill all their obligations at work and at home, putting the needs of others before their own. One of the best parts of adult life is awakening. We get to reinvent ourselves. What do you want to be when you grow up, now that you’re grown up?

With a new school year about to begin, fall seems like a good time for new beginnings, but fall is really about endings, about casting off that which no longer serves. In order for something new to begin, something else has to end. What do you want to put an end to? What are you sick and tired of? What have you been tolerating for way too long?

What would it feel like if your work and your relationships brought a deep and lasting sense of well-being?
What would it take for you to be able to move toward that life?
Why haven’t you done it already?
What type of support would you need to identify and remove the obstacles that have kept you stuck?

Take a deep breath of cool, autumn air. Let it invigorate you. Proclaim that your grown-up self has awakened and is ready to move up to a new level of living. A coach can help you identify the obstacles, and define the action steps that will lead you to the life you long to live. Don’t get left back. It’s time to grow up – again.

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

Ph 516.796.0227

www.somethingwithin.us

Summer 2008

Well, it’s June, and New Year’s Eve is just a vague memory. How are you doing with your New Year’s Resolution? If you’ve made good progress, excellent! If you’ve accomplished your goal, well done indeed! But if you’re like so many others and the resolution is as distant a memory as New Year’s Eve itself, then what’s really holding you back? One of the most valuable things I learned during the coaching certification process was to help clients identify what’s really holding them back. The obstacle typically falls into one of these three categories: commitment, attitude, or resources.

When you made your resolution, was your goal specific? Did you write it down? Were the results measurable? Did you keep track of them? Did you set realistic, achievable goals? Did you set a specific timetable for goal achievement? Did you set aside the necessary time and resources to achieve the goal? If your answer to these questions is no, what you’re lacking is a real commitment to the goal.

If your answer to most of these questions is yes, and you’re still not happy with the progress you’ve made, you may want to examine your attitude. For example, if your goal is weight loss and you find yourself absolutely hating the process, you consider it torture to eat healthy and exercise, it’s your attitude that’s keeping you from success. Find a way to reframe healthy food and exercise so that you can create real enthusiasm around the process. Consider it the ultimate gift you can give yourself, the truest form of self-love and self-care. Change your attitude.

How much time have you committed to achieving your goal? Have you invested the necessary money in the things that can help you with goal achievement? Have you developed a support system that includes people who can help you succeed? These are the resources you will need to be successful.

The good news is there’s a lot of 2008 left! Identifying what’s really holding you back is the first step to positive forward movement. Don’t let this New Year’s Eve find you making the same resolution. Make a real commitment, develop a positive attitude, invest the necessary resources and go for it!

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

Please feel free to forward this Newsletter.

Spring 2008

Spring is all about newness and growth. In nature it happens automatically. For humans, it’s not always so easy. The difficulty comes when we have to let go of the old to make room for the new. Here are five suggestions to help you overcome the obstacles that keep you from change:

Stop defining yourself in negative terms. If you say things about yourself such as, “That’s just part of who I am,” or “I can’t help it. It’s in the genes,” then you’ve already given up on the idea of change. Such excuses diminish you and keep you from committing to making positive changes.

Develop a Plan. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Figure out what outcome you are seeking. Then figure out a very specific strategy to help you reach that goal. Take small steps toward your goal. Strive to be disciplined and consistent. Commit to doing at least two things every single day that create forward movement toward the goal.

Be Realistic. Consistent, positive, sustainable change doesn’t happen overnight. The transformation won’t be quick or easy. You will experience setbacks. But periodic failures are still better than remaining a slave to old habits and behaviors that don’t serve you well and stand in the way of living your best life.

Never underestimate enthusiasm. Be your own cheerleader. Celebrate each step forward, each small success. Keep in mind that maybe for the first time ever, you are on your way to victory! Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking, stated it this way, “If you are not getting as much from life as you want to, then examine the state of your enthusiasm.”

Start now. Not tomorrow, or on Saturday, or April first, or next year. To put it off is self-defeating and demonstrates a lack of confidence and resolve. As Goethe said, “If there is something you want to do, begin it. Motion has grace and power in it.” Where will you be a year from now if you begin today? More physically fit? Financially more secure? Unquantifiably happier in your career or in your relationships? Where will you be if you don't begin?

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.

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Ph 516.796.0227

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Winter 2008

Every new year I choose something very specific to work on to enhance my life. In 2006 it was have more fun – and I did! In 2007 it was be more giving – and I was. The beauty is that once one commits to making a change like this, eventually the change becomes the “new normal”. The new behavior becomes effortless. Daily life is enhanced and improved.

This year I’m working on eliminating tolerations. Tolerations are all the things in our lives which we have, at some point, unconsciously decided to accept even though we don’t like it. We didn’t think we had the time or energy to change some things so we just let them be. An example of a toleration could be something like a broken doorbell, or a burned out light bulb that needs replacing. It could be a dusty bedroom, a dirty ring around the tub, or an overstuffed closet that needs cleaning out. It could be not paying your bills on time and tolerating those late fees. It could be letting a month go by without spending quality time with your spouse. It could be consuming fast food even though you know it’s unhealthy. It could be the way you allow a lover, colleague, or nephew to speak to you.

Remember that scene in It’s a Wonderful Life when Jimmy Stewart grabs that loose newel post one too many times and becomes so angry he lashes out at his wife and children?

The reality is that instead of saving energy by not dealing with tolerations, they actually suck the energy right out of us every time we continue to tolerate. So I’ve named 2008 The Year of Eliminating Tolerations. I’ve promised myself to eliminate at least two tolerations every day. It could be cleaning a room, cleaning out a closet, getting rid of stacks of old magazines, or just tackling one drawer or shelf. Any progress is progress. It’s amazing how empowering it is just finally saying, ”No! I don’t want to live with this clutter”, “No! I don’t want to feel this way because of what I consume” or, “I’m not going to allow him/her to speak to me that way anymore.” When dealing with the last issue, be sure to speak the truth in love. Otherwise you’ll just be creating a new toleration: living with tension in a damaged relationship.

Have a look around and see what kinds of tolerations you can find. Most people have no problem coming up with a list of 100 or more! Then eliminate them one at a time. I guarantee you’ll feel the shift in your perspective. You’ll be empowered by eliminating tolerations!

Do you have an eliminating tolerations story? Send it to me at rita@somethingwithin.us. It may appear in a future newsletter.

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Fall 2009 Tuned in or Plugged In?

A passenger in my car asked a question of my teenage son seated behind us listening to his I-pod. He didn’t answer. “He can’t hear you”, I said. “He’s plugged in.”

While visiting college campuses, we stopped at one of the cafeterias for a bite to eat. The students were seated at tables, laptops open, chewing and typing away at the same time. There was little conversation with one's dining partner, less eye contact. With the internet replacing print media as a source of news, open laptops at the breakfast table are not uncommon. Internet cafes let us isolate ourselves for the price of a cup of coffee.

In the supermarket, people push carts while talking on their cell phones. Hands free devices make us look like so many madmen walking around talking to ourselves. Even in public restrooms, people behind closed stall doors are talking, talking, talking.

When I walk my dog early in the morning, sometimes before six, I can see that inside many homes the TV is already on. Driving, I can often feel the vibration of the bass coming from the radio of the car next to mine. It seems at every turn, we shy away from silence.

With all that we’ve gained in technology, what have we lost? We’re plugged in, but we’re not tuned in - to ourselves, each other, or the universe.

Silence is at the center of almost every major spiritual discipline. Whether one is more comfortable with the idea of the Holy Spirit or the idea of intuition, neither can be accessed unless we keep silent. It is in the silence that we can sense the connection to something much greater than ourselves. It is in the silence that we can find the answers to the questions we have about ourselves and our lives. It is in the silence that we can truly learn to hear.

Try this: Sit comfortably in a chair with feet on the floor. Take three deep breathes slowly in through the nose, blow out slowly through the mouth. Then just listen. There should be nothing strenuous, uncomfortable, or pinched about this, just relaxing in comfort, no trying at all, just being. The silence creates space for that something within you that needs to be heard…

My fondest wish is for your success and happiness.